Going to see a Dip ION Nutrition Therapist

Some years ago now I met up with an old friend I had not seen for some time. She was off on a date. It turned out that she had met a charismatic and intelligent person on an internet dating site. “Wow,” I said, “what does this person do?” My friend was a little hesitant as if she did not really know what her date did for a living. “Well he is not a dietititan as they take orders from doctors. He spent a number of years feeling a little ill and constantly bothering his doctor. He then discovered a book by Patrick Holford which revolutionised his life in an unimaginable way. He is now full of energy, needs very little sleep and feels he can tackle anything.  The ideal boyfriend really!”

My friend suggested I purchased a copy of the Optimum Nutrition Bible by Patrick Holford. It was a little long. I can’t really say I understood it all and – between you and me – I only read about half of it. Still there seemed to be lots of impressive foot notes and references.  It seemed just what I needed. Once I had fully grasped the concepts of optimum nutrition I would be able to have the brilliant life I truly deserved – a brilliant job, glamorous women chasing me and a never ending stream of invitations to parties. [Okay, okay I admit it in my younger days I was rather shallow and superficial.]

Fortunately, the book offered a guide to help me make sense of the world of optimum nutrition. By logging on to Patrick Holford’s website I could find out the location of my nearest nutrition therapist. As luck would have it there was one practising in my local town so I asked Mr Holford to send my details to him. Within 24 hours I received an email inviting me to a consultation with the renowned Basingstoke Nutritionists.  Prompt service or what??  My life was about to change!

Before Basingstoke Nutritionists would agree to meet me I had to fill out a long and detailed questionnaire. To be honest with you, dear readers, like the aforementioned book the form was a little difficult to understand. It asked me about my bowel movements, whether I ever had headaches, felt tired or depressed. In short did I ever have any problems?  Well, I had to answer in the affirmative, but it was impossible for me to know whether to indicate on the form whether my problems were serious or not. Never mind a 1 1/4 consultation was surely all that was needed to set myself on the path of optimum nutrition and live the life that I truly, truly deserved. Anyway I sent off the form together with a record of the meals I had eaten over the last few days.

I expected the consultation to be at a health clinic, but surprisingly it turned out the address I was going to was a private residence in a reasonably posh area of Basingstoke. However, my therapist took me to a consultation room upstairs. I had to remove my shoes first though, obviously an indication that we were about to set foot on hallowed ground.

We then started the consultation. We discussed my meals of the last few days. The previous Saturday I had missed lunch whilst rushing about. This, apparently, was not a good thing. “How did you get through the afternoon with only a packet of peanuts to eat? Weren’t you short of energy?”  I had no answer to that and considered myself suitably admonished. My father had generously cooked me dinner the previous evening.  It was a Sunday roast with beer, followed by a chocolate and a coffee. I was going to apologise for the red meat, but to my surprise he did not disapprove. It turned out a bit of red meat in one’s diet was not a probelm.  I was sure Patrick Holford had once claimed to be a vegarian who ate fish, but who was I to argue?  Unfortunately, having chocolate, coffee and alchohol at one sitting was not a good idea. Not sure why, but again who was I to argue.

I then confessed to feeling a bit stressed in my job. He said dietary changes might help, but essentially we could not change the person I was, but then we would not want to would we?  At this point I felt extremely disappointed.  What about the new, exciting and glamorous life that Patrick Holford and my friend’s date promised me?  Not to worry as it turned out there was a glimmer hope for me. Citrus fruits caused stress so therefore I was advised to avoid them.

We then turned to my shopping habits. It turned out I was visiting the wrong sections of the supermaket. I hoped to earn some praise with the fact I had recently bought some of Prince Charles’ organic lemonade.  This did not impress him. “But it IS organic,” I protested. It turned out this was all a marketing ploy by manufactuers of ill repute. Moreover, chocolate and crisps were also out.

There was a final part to our consultation. He suggested I might like to try some vitamin and fish oil pills. Perhaps this could be a means of procuring the glamorous life that I so richly craved and deserved? Alas, the pills were extra, but what price happiness ehhh?

So with my wallet £70 or so lighter I left to start my new life ……



5 Responses to “Going to see a Dip ION Nutrition Therapist”

  1. dvnutrix Says:

    Welcome to the world of blogging, Lee!

    I was sure Patrick Holford had once claimed to be a vegarian who ate fish..

    Former Visiting Professor Holford claims to be a vegan who eats fish(and eggs, possibly) but there you go. Holford is currently pro-chocolate as long as it is the 70% cocoa. Apparently, one would be startled at the ORAC content of this chocolate. Ditto, he also waxes lyrical about the ORAC content of 1/3rd glass of red wine.

    I am surprised that you weren’t advised to take any of the ‘diagnostic’ tests – so perhaps it isn’t the prerequisite for some nutritionistas that I had imagined.

    there seemed to be lots of impressive foot notes and references.

    Hmm, as you know, quantity is not substitute for relevance and findability. After all, some of those references include a cassette (no long available) of a lecture given in the 80s; a Bateman Catering Organisation report (no further details given); and books that aren’t available, even the the British Library.

    Good luck with the blog!

  2. leet01 Says:

    No, he did not ask me to take any dubious tests. More than four years later I am still at a loss as to why I was told to stop eating citrus. Even Patrick Holford does not advise that.

    As for The Bateman Catering Organisation I did a Google search on them which brought up hardly any information beyond the fact they had the catering contract for oil refineries in Pembrokeshire twenty or thirty years ago. Plenty of essential oils then. Ha, ha, ha. Unfortunately, they are no longer listed on the Companies House website meaning that whatever nutritional wisdom they had was insufficient to prevent their demise.

  3. dvnutrix Says:

    The citrus thing. There are many hold-overs of beliefs that people heard in the 70s and 80s and still cling to now, even though they have long been debunked. My completely uninformed guess is that this is one of those. The Washington Post revealed that Personal Health Beliefs Are Mostly Hit and Myth.

    Men proved more likely to hold scientifically unsubstantiated beliefs than women…

    One reason health myths persist, Jones said, is that the science is incremental and constantly changing. Study findings often conflict with one another before evidence becomes conclusive. And when newer studies overturn widely held beliefs, he said, the results can get lost in the barrage of health information available on TV, in newspapers and, above all, online.

    So, who knows?

    Good old Bateman, eh? Good sleuthing there. I never did hold out much hope of tracking down this reference from the NONB Chapter 12, Why You and Other Vertically Ill People Should Consume Pills but now, all hope has vanished.

  4. jonhw Says:

    Thanks Lee — I will look forward to reading more of the blog.

  5. jdc Says:

    Nice to see you blogging now Lee. I look forward to reading more posts like this one.

    Cheers, jdc.

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