THE DAY OF THE NUTRITIONISTA PART TWO

In the last episode of The Day of the Nutrionista Captain Bellodi recruits an assistant. Before they can discuss their mission they learn of the death of Sir Montgomerie Scott-Wilson, the MP for Basingstoke.

Sir Montgomerie had never been a believer in optimum nutrition. In fact you might say his life was about proving the healthy eating lobby wrong. He loved his wine, salt, sugar and saturated fats. Unfortunately this led to him being rather overweight. So there he was sitting lifeless in his study with a bottle of wine at his side. Actually he looked pretty much like he did when he was doozing in the debating chamber of The House of Commons.

“Hmmm, he was drinking some Nettlay claret,” said Sergeant Sexton. “He obviously went happy. What do you think of this optimum nutrition lark, Sir? Is it all controlled by Gillian MacKeith and Patrick Holford?” “No, no they are just the fall guys. It is like when I was investigating the Mafia there was the ones who did the crime, but a shadowy boss behind the scenes organising it all.” “So,” gasped Sgt Sexton, “You think there is a controlling mind behind it all?” “Definitely, but would they kill for their ideas? Difficult to say.” “Yessss, well it is not as though anyone is against Optimum Nutrition is it? I mean has anyone ever written a book called the Sub-Optimum Nutrition Bible? Even Macdonalds are putting nutritional labels on their products.” “How do you know that Sgt Sexton?”  At that point Captain Bellodi’s phone rang saving Sgt Sexton having to explain her lapses in to sub-optimal nutrition.  “No, no Prime Minister it looks like his diet killed him rather than any third party.  Yes, that may well be what THEY want us to think. Umm … but that’s what has happened. Okay, you have got to be off to see the chairman of Nettlay. We’ll keep you updated.”

“So there’s going to be a by-election now, Sir. I do love a good by-election. They are quite a treasured feature of British politics you know allowing students and political junkies the opportunity to stay up all night. Boy we have had some exciting by-elections over the years. Oxford in 1938 on the issue of appeasement – vote for Hogg and save your bacon!  Torrington in 1958, the first sign of the revival of the Liberal Party. Bringing things right up to date we have the Crewe and Nant-”  “Yes, yes sergeant but what exactly is going to happen next?”  “Well there will be a by-election in Basingstoke of course!  Still I can’t see it being a major political upset as it’s a safe Conservative seat.”

At that point the news came on:  “In a development that has shocked the established parties. A new political force has announced its intention of contesting the upcoming Basingstoke by-election …”

To be continued ….

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