The Day of The Nutritionista Part IV

Mrs Williams was asking herself what the last eleven years had been for. It certainly was not easy being the wife of a bishop, even so when it came to being the wife of the Rt. Rev. Dr Roger Williams the Bishop of Basingstoke. She could not really understand why he had stayed in the town so long. After all with his talents he could have got himself a job at an Episcopalian seminary in the States with a salary of $200,000+. He thought Basingstoke was his vocation and because it was his vocation it became hers as well. It was not easy being married to such a popular saint, but she loved him with all her heart and her mind. Almost everyone in town had been touched by him in some way. There was only a couple of years to go until retirement and she was trying to persuade him to go and be a visiting professor somewhere hot. That, alas, was not to be as he was lying dead and cold in Basingstoke morgue.

She was brought back from her thoughts by the questioning of Captain Bellodi and Sergeant Sexton.

“Was there anyone who hated your husband Mrs Williams? Was there anyone who wanted to see him dead?”

“Oh no, everyone loved him. We even had Richard Dawkins singing at Sunday lunch one week. Well actually, we did get some trouble from a local nutrition therapist.”

“How did that come about?”

“Well, one Sunday Roger preached a sermon on splendor of Creation and the Creator having provided us with more than we could ever hope or desire. The woman concerned took it all very personally saying he had forgotten the necessity of supplements to promote a healthy life. She kept ringing us up at all hours of the day and night. She also disrupted Evensong one Wednesay. Most unpleasant. Nettlay Publishing became upset when Roger chose a small local book store to publish one of his books. ”

“Any other enemies?”

” Well, the Dean of Woking coveted his job – horrible man!”

Anne Nick-Dote was one of the few people in Basingstoke not sorry about the death of Bishop Roger. She immediately went on Radio Basingstoke to say he deserved his death due to his lack of support for orthomolecular medicine. Strange how everyone used to say what a “nice” person she was. Unfortunately, when the sheep lose their shepherd things turn nasty. Within a few hours the windows of Basingstoke Nutritionists had been smashed and her car tyres had been slashed. The police advised her that it was perhaps prudent not to open until after things had calmed down. More importantly her poll ratings in the Basingstoke by-election were falling. It looked as though her campaign was doomed. Fortunately, Paddy Whole-Food the world’s greatest nutritionist had taken an interest in the campaign. He gave her a ring to offer the services of her PR team. What else could an aspiring politician want?

Later that evening he was a guest on BBC Basingstoke’s political hour with Jezza Pacman.

“Thank you for joing us Mr Whole-Food. You have certainly been the subject of a lot of controversy recently. Can you comment on the allegations that Basingstoke FE College appointed you as its acting honorary deputy lecturer in nutrition in exchange for cash?”

“Well, not exactly the School of Social Sciences is doing some trials with fish oil supplements in local Basingstoke primary schools. The Nettlay Corporation are kindly funding the venture.”

“Don’t they produce fish oil supplements. Is there any control group? Aren’t you the head of research of Nettlay Neutraceutical?”

“Well, we don’t really need a control group as we already know fish oil supplementation works. Beside it would be too expensive.”

“Hmmm … The Nettlay Corporation did have pre-tax profits of £200million last year so you would have thought they could have found a small amount of cash to do a proper controlled experiement. There have been some strange goings on in Basingsoke recently. What was your reaction to the death of the Rt. Rev. Roger Williams?”

“Well, of course it was a tragedy. Although supporters of orthomolecular medicine had their differences with the bishop we recognise that all those in favour of optimum nutrition have to work together. That’s why myself and Anne Nick-Dote are working with the Dean of Woking to help out with his memorial service which takes place on Friday.”

“What are your plans for the next few months Mr Whole-Food?”

“I was afraid you would never ask that Jezza. I have a new book out to help people cure their addictions called “How to Buck up without Fucking up.”

“I beg your pardon Mr Whole-Food ????!!!! This the BBC you know. Swearing before the watershed is one thing, but you are also guilty of product placement.”

“Ummm … sorry. The book title is actually “How to Buck up without ****ing up.”

“Get out of my studio. At least Radovan never swore when I met him.”

Coincidentally the Dean of Woking organised the memorial service to take place three days before polling day. The eulogy at the service was given by Anne Nick-Dote – rather strange given she had never met the late and much lamented bishop. Mrs Williams was none too pleased. Try to to imagine yourself in her position readers.

“Now my friends is the hour of decision. Are you FOR or against optimum nutrition? The choice is yours!”

(So who do you think murdered Bishop Williams readers? Was it Paddy Whole-Food, Anne-Nick Dote, the Dean of Woking or some one else ???)

To be continued ….

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